February 27th, 2010 by Sherry

February 14th, 2010 by Sherry

I’m throwing myself a pity party, and you’re all invited.
This weekend has kind of sucked ass. This is unfortunate because it’s a Holiday weekend, and I was so looking forward to it.
Friday there was a funeral. Saturday morning we went to a rather grueling family therapy session, and Saturday night I decided it might be fun to smash my left cheekbone and teeth off my concrete front porch.
I could handle the funeral. I could handle the therapy session, with a few days to recover in my mind. The cheekbone smash? Not so much.
So I decided to turn to my old friend, my blog of happy place, to try and get out some of this self loathing that is making me contemplate cancelling my Valentine’s dinner at my favourite restaurant, with my favourite man, in exchange for sitting around feeling sorry for myself and continually looking in the mirror to see how much uglier I’ve become since the last time.
Brad and I were watching The Lost World: Jurassic Park, having an awesome couch cuddly Saturday afternoon with the puppies. A commercial came on, so I decided to take the dogs out for a pee break. When I opened the door, Peas almost got pierced by an icicle that had broken away from the eavestroph so I thought I’d knock them all down before they landed in someone’s brain. (do you remember that episode of Grey’s Anatomy where Christina got stabbed with an icicle? See? could happen. anyway…..) I leaned too far off the doorstep and had to step down onto the porch so I wouldn’t fall flat on my face. Sure enough, I stepped down right on top of fresh ice, lost my footing and fell flat on my face.
I felt my left foot fly right out from underneath me, felt the wind get knocked out of me when my stomach hit first, and then heard a loud crack and felt a searing pain when my face bounced off the concrete porch. It was like it was all happening in segments, and I could consciously feel each and every one of them separately. Usually when you have a mishap everything happens so fast that it all seems like a weird blur, but not this one. And I can still hear that crack of my cheekbone against concrete. It’s still quite vivid in my memory.
I used every ounce of energy that I had to scream Brad’s name as loud as possible, knowing there was a good chance he wouldn’t hear me. Then I put my hand under my face, honestly thinking that I had to hold it there to keep my mouth shut and my teeth inside so I wouldn’t spit them out, and lie on the porch waiting.
I could sense JoJo freaking out and running back and forth on the porch. Peas snuggled up to the top of my head and wouldn’t leave me, even when Brad came and was yelling for him to go into the house so he could help me get up and see if I was okay.
Luckily all my teeth were intact but, man, did they freakin’ hurt. The entire left side of my face swelled like a prize fighter, and bright red concrete burn rose to the surface of my cheek and side of my nose. Brad brought me tylenol and and an ice bag, when I finally calmed down enough to sit still. Everything throbbed for a good two hours before it became bearable again.
This morning my face is still massive. The swelling has gone up into my eye and down into my jaw and neck. It feels like your face does when you’ve had novacaine at the dentist, except without the numbness. The concrete burn on my cheekbone and the side of my nose is still bright as a berry with a nice bluish crescent of bruising right underneath. The bruising should be just awesome in time to go back to work on Tuesday.
Maybe I’ll wear all black and dark black eyeliner, put makeup on the other side of my face and tell everyone that I’ve gone Goth.

February 1st, 2010 by Sherry

Today was a day like no other. Alright, it was pretty much like every other, except the date was a date I’d never experienced before. Because it was today, and until today I hadn’t lived it.
You know what I’m sayin’? Ya, me either.
I went to work and was shooting glitter rainbows out of my ass, anticipating a good day, dreading a not so good one. So ya, today was just like every other day. Except those days when I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, and I’m not so glittery….and when I’m just ass.
The sun was out. It was damned cold and that ball of fire didn’t make a lick of difference to warm things up, but there was a blinding brightness that was more welcoming than it was annoying.
When’s Ground Hog Day? Tomorrow? Not that it matters, whether or not that lice infested beast sees his shadow or not, Mother Nature (otherwise know as the lake effect weather of Lake Erie) will bestow whatever weather we’re destined to get anyway. I always laugh at the 8 more weeks of winter crap. The calender still says the same day in March for Spring, regardless of shadow creatures.
Peas is chasing his tail. Round and round and round he goes. I swear to God, sometimes that dog needs a helmet. Then again maybe I do, too, considering the amount of joy his exploits bring me. He’s so dizzy right now he can’t stand up straight. And I’m cackling like an idiot. A helmet for two, please.
I ordered a dumpster today. Have you ever done that? Ordered a dumpster? It’s really quite awesome and you should try it. I would highly recommend it. I do highly recommend it. You can throw away anything! Purging is therapeutic. Our basement flooded last week. Our basement is the catch all for all things “what do we do with?” and there was a bunch of stuff that was being stored down there that water damage has added the final nail in it’s coffin. I’m going to heave it all in the dumpster. And then a big ole’ truck is going to come along and pick up the dumpster and take all my garbage away.
Just.like.that. Ther..a..pew..tick!
Have you been able to tell by now that I have absolutely nothing to post today? I just really wanted to post so I figured I’d just jump on in here and ramble.
Oh man, my stats have taken a swan dive! What with the whole “Where’d your blog go? I can’t find it.” and the fact that I haven’t written much, and that whole broken blog thing, not too many people drop by to visit anymore. So I’m glad you’re here. Hai!!
I actually read three blogs yesterday. I did so!! I know that’s not much, but it’s three more than I read the other day. I miss reading about my blog buddy’s lives. I’m trying to make the rounds. So, off I go. My quota is four today.
I know, baby steps.

January 30th, 2010 by Sherry

A while back I volunteered to be a photographer for the Niagara Falls Humane society.
By “volunteer” you would think that I just called them up, or stopped by and said “hey, I’m here to help.” and they said, “sweet. come on in and get started.” But such is not the case, which is weird because they were the ones advertising the need in the first place.
I mean, it’s not really more involved than that, other than having to fill out a 2 page resume/questionairre/application thing, needing 2 letters of reference and a face to face interview. But, that didn’t scare me away and now I get to frolic and take pictures of adorable little furry things. Seriously, what’s better than playing with puppies and kitties, and people requesting that you annoyingly snap as many pictures as humanly possible?
It’s a good gig, and I’m digging it so far.
Meet some of my new friends:

You know, you would think these little ingrates would be somewhat humble, trying to put on a show for visitors to the shelter, be all, “heeeeey, pick me because I’m the most awesome kitteh out there, and ain’t no better” because, there’s competition, man. It’s do or die to break out of that place, con some unsuspecting family into taking you home, loving you, letting you sit on their face while they’re snuggled up at night in their beds sound asleep. Those cats don’t have me fooled. I know they’re devious. Why, just look at this face, the face of pure evil, I tell you:

Right??!!
Some of those little brats even get all cocky and think they know it all. Look at this one, demanding my camera, thinking he can do a better job than I can:

And then there’s the shifty ones. The smart ones. The cunning little buggers that plot and scheme and take advantage of unsuspecting innocents. The ones that will stop at nothing to break out, even if it means smuggling themselves out:

Taking any means necessary, even the suffocation of smelly feet, to jail break:

I thought this gig was going to be difficult, what with the abandonment, the malnutrition, the heart break, and loneliness. Pssh. How can you possibly feel sorry for these little con artists when, with one look, you can see right through them?

That’s right kitties, you’re not fooling me with your bright eyes and loud purring motors and apparent need to only want to be loved and give love in return. I’m on to you.

January 27th, 2010 by Sherry

Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs holds up the new iPad as he speaks during an Apple Special Event at Yerba Buena Center for the Arts Wednesday in San Francisco, California.

January 16th, 2010 by Sherry

Remember when you were a kid and you scanned the cereal aisle, hoping that your favourite cereal box was the one with the best toys inside? Hoping, beyond hope, that you wouldn’t have to beg your Mother to buy a cereal that you hated, and have to choke it down, just so you could get set of 3D glasses, or a real “authentic” spy mirror?
If you asked a kid today as they were opening a box of cereal, what the toy inside was, they’d look at you like you had three heads. Kids today don’t know what it’s like to want to eat cereal for the prize inside, and that makes me sad.
I already know the answer, but because I was feeling a bit frisky today, I decided to write Kelloggs and ask them. Here’s my letter:

Dear Kelloggs,
Why don’t you put toys in cereal boxes anymore?
I assume it’s an answer having to do with the crappy safety standards from products made in China, but I think it’s sad that children of this generation don’t know what it’s like to fight their siblings for the right to dig through the entire contents of a just opened box of cereal, searching for buried treasures.
Best regards,
Me.

They complain that kids today don’t eat a nutritious breakfast. Start putting toys in cereal boxes again, and I bet more would.

January 11th, 2010 by Sherry

I started my morning taking Peas to the vet. He had to go in between 8:30 and 9am for blood work, in preparation to get his berry removal on Friday. Poor Peas, losing the berries to his twig. Yaay for me, though, I’m tired of stepping in pee.
What they don’t tell you, when you make the appointment, is that everyone else’s dog is going to be there between that time, too. Peas doesn’t do well with other dogs. He’s cool with our Jojo, but other than she, all bets are off. He goes right rammy. Barks up a storm. When they come to say hello he backs up and runs away, still barking like he’s some big tough guy. He’s a tiny dog, but he doesn’t really have that tiny dog yelp. His freakin’ barking is LOUD.
Anyway.
We were on our way home and going down the busy street that we live on, when I noticed a big fat bunny chillin’ on the side of the road by the snow bank. Now, either this bunneh was super bored and just hanging out watching cars go by, or he’d been hit by a car. Either way, not a safe scenario.
I raced up a few blocks, took Peas home, changed my clothes and headed back out the door, intent on checking to see if I could help little Bugs Bunneh, not having a clue how, but intent to try.
As I pulled up to the stop sign, I checked on oncoming traffic just in time to see a snow plow coming, shovel down, clearing the snow bank off the road.
“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed and slammed my foot down on the gas.
I ripped into the street, sped off towards the bunny, pulled over in between him and the snow plow, popped on my hazard lights and jumped out of my suv. Here’s me, right in the friggin’ middle of 9am traffic, waving my arms frantically and standing in front of the moving snow plow, like a mad woman.
Snow plow guy: “What in the hell?”
Me: “There’s a rabbit on the side of the road, that has been hit by a car, and you’re about to kill him.”
SPG: “I wouldn’t even have seen him.”
Me: “I know, that’s why I stopped you. Can you go around me?”
SPG: “I can’t go off into oncoming traffic. You’re going to have to move.”
Me: “I’m not letting you plow that poor thing into the ditch.”
SPG: “I’ll go around him. I won’t hurt him.”
Me: “You promise? Because I’m not moving until you promise.”
Now keep in mind, I’m standing in the middle of the road, in front of a snow plow that’s the size of a house, blocking morning rush hour traffic that is now, at least, 10 cars deep behind him.
SPG: “I promise.”
I got in the suv, reluctantly drove around the injured bunny, and parked in the nearest driveway while I watched the most awesome snow ploy guy ever pick up the plow shovel, veer a tad to the left, and stay out of bunny harms way. I waved to him as he passed me, and although I was half expecting a finger gesture, he simply smiled and was probably thinking that I was the most batshit insane person that he’s ever met in his life. And he could be right.
I went back to park in my original spot, shielding the bunny from oncoming traffic, and called the SPCA to see if they would come and pick him up. The whole time, the furry little creature tried with all his might to get up and get to safety, but he just couldn’t get the back half of his body to cooperate. I talked to him through my windshield, told him to stay put and wait patiently and help would be here soon, but only to make myself feel better.
After what seemed like hours, and was only minutes, the SPCA officer arrived. She came over and scooped up little rabbit foo foo, his bum and legs going limp in a skinned, bloody pile, and gently placed him in a cage. And, like the total moron that I am, I cried. I thanked her while she took my information, told her the story of the snow plow, and signed for my furry friend as an abandoned animal. I thought this to be very odd. It was like he was mine, and I signed him away.
I fought the urge all day to call the SPCA and see if he could be saved. I wanted to live in my Disney Movie imagination and pretend that he wasn’t as hurt as we thought, and would be rehabilitated. The truth is, he’s a wild bunny, badly injured and was likely put down the minute they got to the shelter. And honestly, that was my hope for the little creature. I couldn’t leave him laying there on the side of the road to die a long, painful death in freezing cold temperatures.
I sure as hell couldn’t imagine this poor little bugger, who was just hit by a car, being scooped up by a large steel shovel and his broken body being propelled into a snowy ditch.
So yes, I might be crazy, but I have a huge heart. Let’s hope it doesn’t get me killed one day, huh?

January 3rd, 2010 by Sherry

We’ve been eating a lot of take out over these Holidays. With the house in a Christmas festivity mess, then adding to the post Christmas organizational disasters here and there, (after all, it always has to get DISorganized before the organization can begin) coupled with the fact that I’ve been really lazy and my family members are even lazier, cooking hasn’t been a top priority.
(although, I must say, laziness HAS been a top priority this Christmas break, and I am SO very sorry to see it end tomorrow morning)
Anyway…it was coffee time this morning, and I was famished so I decided that it was time to make a home made breakfast. One problem, Old Mother Heitmeyer’s cupboards were (are still) bare.
Oh what to do.
I knew I had eggs in there, because I bought a gazillion dozens before Christmas with the intent to do enough baking to give the entire planet diabetes, and a mountain of those Pillsbury Crescent Roll thingers….
….you know, these things:

and some shitty low fat cheese that tastes like rubber.
Mmmm, nummy huh? I know, you can’t wait to be invited to my house for breakfast, can you?!
Anyway…what’s a girl to do but throw it all together and stick it in the oven? So I did.

I cracked the eggs, grated the rubber cheese, popped the Pillsbury can (which is always the fun part) and layed out the tiny triangles of goodness. Then I dipped the Pillsbury triangles into the beaten egg mixture, layed them on a no stick cookie sheet, coated them in the grated cheese, and rolled them up. The end result looked like this:

The cooking instructions on the package, for the buns themselves, say to bake for 10 to 13 minutes, so I set the oven timer as such, and while they were baking my kitchen filled with the smell of delicious.

I paired the cheese buns with some scrambled eggs, and the end result was awesome. They were super tasty, which is kind of disappointing because I was actually looking forward to doing this really great, mouth watering blog post, and then telling you that they tasted like ass, and to not make them.
Which would have been hilarious, if only to me.

(please excuse the Corel plate that went out of style 25 years ago, and the fact that I still have no clue how to focus the “nifty fifty” lens on my new Canon 50D)

January 3rd, 2010 by Sherry

I’m pretty sure I can keep this one. 2009 can suck it. Hard.

I’m hesitant to say that I’m heading off into 2010 (will you say “twenty ten” or “2 thousand ten”??) with some high hopes and a sense of optimism. You know, ’cause Murphy likes to bite me in the ass.
But, I am. (*ducks*)

2009 was hard. 2008 was hard, too. My God, I need a new beginning to less shitty.
We’ve had a wonderful Holiday. We’ve all been off over Christmas break and, except for yesterday, the office has pretty much left me alone to enjoy it. Santa was very good to everyone. Baby New Year rang in last night with a wonderful night spent with my honey, and not even an inkling of a hang over. If Sherlock Holmes didn’t bore me to tears, I would wager to call it perfect. (seriously, don’t spend “theater money” to see that movie.)
I’ve spent today organizing, and cleaning and puttering with a sense of well being that I haven’t had in a long time. I hope, when the hustle and bustle of Holiday vacation life is over, that it remains through the long work day, high school exams for both kids, sleepless nights and mini crisis’.

Here’s wishing you all the best in ‘10, my lovies.
Bring it on.

January 3rd, 2010 by Sherry

I hope that your Christmas was wonderful and I wish you all the best this coming New Year.