Private Sanctuary

 

Whenever I hear the song “Let’s go all the way” by E. Sly Fox, I think of my parents.  That sounds a lot weirder than it’s intended.
I came home from school one day and sat down at my desk to do my homework.  I noticed the desk had been ransacked.  Someone had gone through it, and didnt even try to hide it.  This was the first time that I realized my parents were assholes.  Well, probably not the first time, but this one resonated with me.  Still does, to this day.
Anyway…there was a peice of paper in the middle of my desk.  It was the song lyrics to Let’s Go All The Way, written in my handwriting.  Back then, we didnt have internet lyric sites and google play apps that give you instant lyrics.  You literally had to stop your cassette tape and write ot down, sentence by sentence…or listen for it to come on the radio and write as fast as you could.  Teenagers these days have it sp much easier in the lyric department.  (Hey there, old lady.)
My Mother thought it was a love note.  I don’t know to who…it’s not like I had anything close to a boyfriend.  That’s the first time I realized my Mother was a bit out of touch.  (As all teenagers think their parents are.)
And it wasnt so much that she was out of touch with pop culture, but that she was completely out of touch with my life.  I don’t know what possessed her to think that she had the need to go through my things when I wasn’t home.  I was a good kid.  Not because I was a goody two shoes kid…because, let’s face it, I got into my share of shit and looking back it’s a wonder I survived some of the shit that I pulled…but since we moved just before highschool, I had no life.  I had no friends.  I woke up, went to school, and came home. I stayed home on weekends.  My highschool life?  Pretty tame and lame and sad, really.  Especially with 2 knee operations in grade 9 that basically nailed the loner aspect.  When I was able to go to school I couldnt do stairs so I spent forever sitting in the guidance room doing my work, alone.  The only people who ever talked to me were the ones who saw me in there every day from the hallway and wondered what the hell I was in there for every damned day.  Yeah, I was a badass!
I never looked through my kid’s rooms.  I thought about it a few times, but never did.  It wasn’t even because ignorance is bliss.  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to know what I would find, I just didn’t feel the need to invade their privacy.  I never thought that looking through things that didn’t belong to me would give me a parenting leg up.  An advantage for things to come, a way to avoid dangers of the future.
I wasn’t the best mother in the universe, but that’s one thing that I am proud of.  And we made it. They’re in their 20’s now and healthy and criminal record free, and happy.  Finding scanty song lyrics, or a contraband of some sort wouldnt have changed anything.  They could have had dangerous secrets hidden in their private sanctuaries, and maybe they did….but there’s more to parenting than invasion of privacy.  You have to do the best you can, and hope to hell it’s the right thing, and have faith in your kids that they know who they are and where they came from.

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